Life sure looks a lot different since the last time I posted. 

Yuma, Az to Wa, Ca, Or, Nv, La, Tx, Ms, Ar, Ky, Tn

We are blessed!

New Years

Over New Years we went to Tucson, AZ for Conquerors Conference. Bro. Davis delivered amazing messages over that weekend. I absolutely love hearing Bro. Davis preach anywhere, anytime!

We are settling into our new home and absolutely loving it. Though it will take many months to get it exactly what I have pictured in my mind. Probably more like years actually....

We are still trying to sell the 5th wheel but alas no one wants such a huge RV I suppose. That is not to say that it has been sitting all lonely though. We had an evangelist here for about a month and they made good use of it and now with the church roofing project coming and some folks from Washington coming to help with that it will once again be occupied.

We are looking forward to having Travis' parents here for 3 weeks, though it seems that every time they come we are so busy working on things there is never time for just visiting and spending time together doing things. So once again the whole time they are here we will be working, and busy.

The boys are doing well in school and looking forward to the end of the school year. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel though we still have a few more months to go..

Dallas will be 16 in March and my oh my what shall I do. He is always wanting to drive every chance he gets and it really freaks me out. He isn't doing horrible at it. Its just that mom thing I think that is in a constant state of worry. I can not imagine what I will do when the time comes and he wants to take my car and go somewhere alone once he has his license. He is determined to have a job immediately and though I do want him to work and not be lazy I just hate to see him be tied down with a job and all growing up on me and oh bother its so hard to watch kids grow up. I wish so badly for the days of old when he was a little darling 2 year old. Those were the fun days.

Many people tell us we need another child and at times I do think of it haha but sanity returns very quickly when I realize that my boys are almost grown, what in the world would possess me to start over! Haha

Christmas

We had such a wonderful Christmas. 

We have such a giving family. 

I am so blessed. 

Love my family and miss them already. 

Christmas Eve

Paw-Paw

Leaving Paw-Paw was hard today. 

I know the days ahead will be hardest of all on him. Married for over 60 years to someone and then them no longer be there would be such a huge void. 

Love him.......

Braids

I remember Maw-Maw could do the best French braid of anyone I ever knew. 

Many times I remember sitting on the floor in front of her with wet hair as she would braid the tightest, straightest french braid. 

Just another memory that flows through my mind. So many things I haven't thought of in years and it seems so many things I see, hear or do brings something to mind to make me think of her. 

Maw-Maw.....Forever missed, Forever loved

So many memories flood my mind as so much grief wracks my heart, mind and soul. I tell myself, don't think about it and I can just pretend she's still there just a phone call away but I know I will never hear that voice on the other end of the line never again. I will never spend another time talking about the latest book she's been reading and sharing with her the things I've been doing. Now is when one thinks, oh if only I'd have called more, visited more, taken more pictures, said more "I love yous" if only I could just turn back time and say just one more thing. 

I wasn't ready for this. 

Life will never ever be the same again. 

Just one week before she left us we chatted on the phone and when I hung up I said "I love you" and she replied " I love you" me not knowing it would be the very last I love you that I would ever hear from her. 

I wonder how long just the mention of something that even remotely related to her will send me running for somewhere to hide and get control once again, a picture, a word, and even just a stray thought that comes through and this litany of "stop Janaya stop" until I can talk myself through the pain and tears once again and push it way back to that corner and cover it up again. 

The song that continues through my mind is "Jesus take a hold, and hold onto me, I'm the weakest of your children, oh how I need thee and if I make it through, the only way it will be, is Jesus take a hold and hold onto me"

We grew up close to all the family. Mostly all together in one place. 

Maw-Maw loved having all the grandchildren near. She would never have even thought to say no when we asked to spend the night. She wished we all would live right in her house with her. 

I'll never forget how well she could diagram a sentence. She knew English grammar inside and out and I had the hardest time with all that and she was always willing to sit down and make me understand it all and get my school work done. 

She loved company. We had a family of cousins. A very large family and they would show up randomly and we'd see them coming down that long drive and we'd all yell The Martins are coming and Paw-Paw would say " better get a pot of dumplings on" and off she'd go to make a huge pot of chicken and dumplings and corn bread and never one time did I hear her complain about the mess, the work or the house full of kids running all over. Her house was always open, the door was literally never locked, and if for some reason it did get locked by someone if you were family you knew to just reach above the porch light and there'd be a key, all the family knew when you get to Maw-Maws just come on in, she never cared what time it was or how long you stayed. 

I'll never forget the brown couch that all the grandkids loved to jump on. And our parents would come and get onto us and Maw-Maw would tell them, you don't get onto them they are allowed to jump on my couch. 

As I grew older we enjoyed each other's company reading books. She loved to read and so did I though our tastes in reading material were vastly different. She absolutely would not read fiction, I on the other hand barely would read non-fiction. She would always tell me why did I want to fill my head with nonsense I needed to read about true people and true happenings and then she'd tell me all about a president biography or the latest true crime story she had been reading. 

She would always tell me how my boys reminded her so much of her boys. Dallas was her first great grandchild and my oh my how happy she was that he was a boy, she always was partial to boys because that's what she had was two boys of her own. She would keep him any time she could. 

Back in Washington we'd meet for lunch many times. I'd call her and ask had she ate yet. Yes she had but she would eat again she'd say many times. I never remember her turning down meeting with me or having any of us over. 

She was known far and wide for the welding caps she made. No one could make them like her and they would sell like hot cakes whenever someone brought some to the job. She wanted me to learn so much and I never did have a knack for sewing and she was so good at it, she could sew anything in hardly no time at all. I'd try but end up with a hole in the top of the cap and seams that looked drunk. I never did figure how she could just put that sewing peddle all the way to the floor and machine going fast as it could and her lines be as straight as could be. She'd always just tell me "just practice" 

I always wanted to try whatever she was doing. She tried teaching me to crochet once. I got it down enough to make a long line so it was just a line of crocheted yarn and I'd sit and do my line while she did her doilies and she would tell me how good I was doing and just make me feel so proud. 

Maw-Maw always had a type writer and I loved to play office and she'd let me use her type writer and get me all kinds of cool office things. I'll never forget the day she bought the coolest type writer that would erase. You could hit a back button and it would make a clackety clack noise and your letter would disappear. It didn't matter that it was brand new and probably very expensive at the time and here I was a little kid and might break her expensive new type writer, if I needed it for playing office then of course I could use it and all her pens too, she always had many pens of every shape and size. 

Oh so many memories that I can always hold dear to my heart. 

Most of all I remember Maw-Maw never missed church. She'd drive 45 miles one way every single service. Many times I would go with her on that long drive when Paw-Paw was away driving truck. I remember getting my permit and she'd say come go to church with me and I'll let you drive. I'd drive with my dad  in the car and he'd be grabbing the handle and hitting the passenger brakes and drive with mom and she'd be all nervous and watching every second, I'd get in the car with Maw-Maw and she'd just sit back and look just like if anyone else was driving. one time I took a particularly sharp corner too fast and just about put us in the ditch all she did was grab her door and say ooo ooo and then smiled and said that corner is a little sharp huh? 

I could write all night but I will save some for another time maybe. 

I can say that I have only good memories of Maw-Maw. She was not overly affectionate in hugging or words but there was never any doubt that she loved and adored every one of her family members and would have given or done anything for any one of us weather she could afford it or not, she would have found a way to give us anything we needed or asked for and she was always there for us any time of day or night. 

I love her dearly and will miss her more than anyone will ever know. 

I have a peace knowing that she is now with my beloved Uncle Glenn (her brother) and they are just waiting for us to join them up in Heaven.