Regrets

Isn't it terrible that we never really think about regrets until something tragic happens.
On Tuesday somebody that I know died. It was tragic and it was sudden. A car wreck and he is gone. Thankfully to be with the Lord but gone nevertheless.
It brought back alot of memories for me, for you see, I grew up with this person and for a time in my growing up years was best friends with his sister, and one of the 5 or 6 young people that spent alot of times together having fun.
It's been about 11 years since those times ended, I got married, Kaleena got married, Crystal got married, Stacy moved away, Jason went to school and we all had our own lives after that.
I sometimes wonder why we ever have to be teenagers for we do such stupid things and typically think of very few others but ourselves at that time in our lives. At least that is the way I was alot of the time, and I don't think I am alone in that.
It made me stop and think of those days when I haven't since then, really. Life moves on and one moves with it and very seldom looks back but then there sometimes comes that time when you do and you wonder, did I ever apologize for those unfeeling words I spoke, for the things I did that were uncaring. Did that person ever feel badly towards me for things that might have happened? But now its too late, there will never be that opportunity to maybe make sure that things were made right if they needed to be.

It made me wonder, what if someone else that I know died. Would I have regrets that I didn't say or do something differently, that maybe I was uncaring or unfeeling and should apologize? That maybe I should have befriended them, maybe I should have prayed for them more, maybe I should have talked to them more or been a better friend or just a better person for them to see.

Life is so fragile, so short, so much unknown in a life. And can be gone so very quickly.

In this past week this tragedy has made me give more hugs, more kisses to my kids, to tell my husband every day how much I love him. To try and think about others more. To try and just be a more caring person. There is a song that comes to mind that says it so perfectly and is what I have been trying to do with my husband, with my kids, with my family.
After I got the call that this man had died I got to thinking, what if one of my family members died. Would they know that I loved them. I do not say it enough, I do not show it enough, I never call my family that is out of town, I am just not one for talking on the phone, and I am not one for showing my feelings outwardly. But do they know, that I love them. And I had to just make some phone calls, to let them know. I had to talk to my husband, just to make sure he was ok, to tell him that I loved him. I told him this weekend, he better be extra safe, he better take better care of himself because I couldn't live without him, that he is everything to me and I couldn't face my days without him there for me

This is the song that comes to mind :
If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes
'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance
to tell her how I feel

So make sure you tell that someone that you love, just what your thinking of, in case tomorrow never comes. You just never know. And make sure you are ready, your time could come so very very soon and you have no idea. Travis had just seen Jason on the Friday night before he died, at a church service, My grandma had seen him Sunday night at church. His Mom and Sister had probably seen him Tuesday morning or Monday night. No one knowing that by 11pm that night he would be gone, that they couldn't give him just one more hug, or tell him one more time that they loved him.

I have prayed for them daily, that God would give them some kind of peace, some kind of comfort. I can't even come close to imagining what it must feel like. I remember when Josh wrecked his bike and we were so scared, I remember when he called me and the horrible feeling, and walking into that emergency room and seeing him lying there. I remember when my Paw-Paw had a heart attack when I was young and the fear and pain. But I have been so very very blessed and have never lost anyone in my family that I have been close to. I don't ever want to experience that pain or grief. I know there is a time that everyone must die but perhaps God will just come soon so that I will not have to experience that horrible feeling. My grandparents are getting up in years and I wish that I could just bring them all into my house and take care of them and be with them every day and that they would live forever. But I know that is not to be. My Paw-Paw couldn't live without his Semi and Maw-Maw couldn't live without her dogs, Grandpa and Grandma couldn't live without thier traveling and peace and quiet. And none of them would care in the least to live with my children but for Maw-Maw maybe.

Well enough of my melancholy thoughts and sadness.
Goodnight to all and know that I have aught against no one, I love you all. Family and Friends alike.....